9 Months

Oh my goodness, so much I have missed over the last few months. My apologies for being so delinquent (but we will touch on that a bit later)

Time has gotten away from me way too quickly with my daughter in school, and the many activities that she’s in and trying to manage work, a social life and eating and sleeping (which I have been doing a lot of lately.) I have taught myself to knit, have done many puzzles and generally have been taking things rather easy physically, no circuit exercises yet but hopefully a routine will come into play soon.

The last few months there have been a few ups and downs, I got my first illness after surgery that lasted for three weeks, and it kicked my butt (it’s been going around and the average time it seems for someone to feel better is nearly a month.) I lost 4 pounds in the month of December, due too being sick and putting my back out.  I felt so terrible because it was all ears, nose and throat and it hurt to eat/drink. So between being drained from being sick, to my food intake not being sufficient really set me back on feeling better. It was a really long road to recovery.

Other then that my food intake has been better, I wasn’t being as good as I should have at tracking it. But there have been really good days at over 2000 calories and not so good days at 1200, the last few weeks have been great for food (granted I am sneaking some fast food in there but everything in moderation right?) I have been reaching my goal of 1800 calories every day. I now takes very little time to plan my meals and snacks as I am generally choosing better items.

My snacks would most often consist of some if not all of the below on a daily basis:

Hummus and Pita
2 servings of fresh fruit (bananas, grapes, melon, berries {when they don’t cost a small fortune})Nuts
Cheese and deli meat
Crackers
Peanut Butter (1 tbsp and usually with the crackers or on it’s own 🙂 )
Salsa or Bruschetta and Chips

My consistent choice of food has helped me gain back 3 of the 4 pounds I lost in December and has kept me stable at 107.5 pounds for the last few weeks. I am very  much looking forward to leveling out weight wise and getting back to the gym and being able to not worry too much about losing a bunch of weight with exercise.

I saw my surgeon 10 days ago, he is happy with my recover so far. I am healthy looking and am not gaunt. I am no longer having food stuck (which has only happened about 2-3 times since August) and I can eat mostly any thing and a good size serving of food at one time on a really good day!

Back in August after I started feeling better I started a Direct Selling business, to try and help myself meet more people, to learn more things about myself, and to get out there in general (try and have a social life of some sort.) I was doing alright with it to begin with and then I just started to overwhelm myself. I was setting too lofty goals for activities and not enough time for rest I was pushing myself to hard. Exhaustion was setting in, bed time has been really early lately and even after 8-10 hours of sleep feel like I could still sleep for days. I haven’t been able to sit down and commit to many goals or prior engagements as I feel a bit of depression tugging at me. I thought I had gotten the needed rest over the Christmas break, but I tried to get back into things and did it to myself again between boxing day and now. I realized I need to take a step back, I need to make more time for me, quiet time, relax and appreciate the moments time. Time for my family and especially time to recoup and get myself back in a good head space.

I have been over whelmed and it’s been building so much that I started having anxiety over it all, emotionally I have seen better days. It’s been a culmination of struggling to eat, and having the required energy to put a couple nutritious meals together; trying to do too much every day; not setting unrealistic goals for myself and trying to blow everything out of the water. It’s wanting to get back to the fast paced nature of what used to be, being sick for 3 weeks or having an unbearably sore back for 2 weeks and requiring medications and appointments to help fix it all. It’s the helplessness of it all, that I was losing control and I felt I had to keep going to try and salvage something out of it; but I shut down.

I am taking a step back from it all, getting back to the live one day at a time mentality I am finding is really important. I need to make the most of this and by putting too much on my plate too soon is a detriment to not only myself but my family too.  I can’t wait to feel where planning things a couple weeks in advance isn’t going to work because I don’t know how I will be feeling. It will come with time, maybe a little or maybe a lot but it will come. I think I will start meditating.

Patience is the only thing that I want to ingrain in you, give yourself the necessary time to level out, to assume a routine that you are comfortable with and that never go beyond that extra limitation of who you are and where your boundaries lie. It’s important that you take the time you need for yourself, and grow from it. It’s a struggle, emotionally, physically and psychologically and it will take time. Love yourself, let the caregivers/family/friends around you love you and enjoy every day. This is no less than a learning experience for all of you, patience will help you overcome any challenge!

One day at a time, just one! (For now)

From my family yo yours wishing you a Happy New Year, and may 2016 bring you health, love and happiness!